4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
where are you?
Hypothermia
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
