College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
