i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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