I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
