we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize