this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
