I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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