I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
40s are totally the cure
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
