I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
