my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
