Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
