she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
