Sponge bath it is.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
