at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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