Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
