Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
