I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
