every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
