when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
