She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
