a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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