batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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