I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
