he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
