were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
