Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
