You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
