remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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