Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
