He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
