I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
