This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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