i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
