in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
