Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
