I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
