Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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