I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
