The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
