She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
