lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
