No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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