Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
