grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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