When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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