WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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