the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
