Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry Cannabeetch hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(408): View more from California

Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people

Fav 12 4569 885
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.

Fav 26 6564 972
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(240): View more from Maryland

she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.

Fav 27 6060 843
share tweet
(813): View more from Florida

I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???

Fav 22 5441 940
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.

Fav 21 8707 1631
share tweet
(319): View more from Iowa

So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."

(319): View more from Iowa

Decisions, decisions.

Fav 46 9216 1501
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.

Fav 5 3310 1143
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(720): View more from Colorado

So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.

Fav 2 486 931
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(613): View more from Ontario

I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..

Fav 0 33 41
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT