Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
