also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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