The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
