I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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