you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
