I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We are two peas in an std pod
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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