and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
