Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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