"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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