Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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