I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
