I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's get the cat blown out
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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