I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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