I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
