omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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