Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
