Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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