i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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