I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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