I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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